Saturday, January 27, 2018

Pills aren't everything

I forgot to take my pill today. Yes, I'm going to stigmatize myself and say I take a pill with a name I can never remember, something like venlafaxine. It's an anti-depressant; I've been prescribed a 75mg dose, which is supposedly a quarter of the maximum dose a person should be prescribed.

I think the results have been noticeable to the people that really know me. Don't get me wrong, I still fall asleep at times when I wish I wouldn't, but, for the most part, I think I'm more 'on'. I believe this effect is more noticeable outside of the workplace - I always got involved enough in what I was doing in the workplace, I don't think most would have noticed one way or the other.

I will digress and say I've spent the bulk of my life working outside, in the sunlight, during days. Things seem to have degraded now that I've moved to the night shift on an 'inside' job; I've started to believe what they say about sunlight helping your body to produce certain vitamins and all.

At any rate... All this considered, I had someone get crossways of me today. This isn't the first time I've found myself wishing I hadn't tried to help, at all. As for the 'getting crossways' - in the end, my part was pretty much played out by me excusing myself from that particular contact as rapidly as possible.

What? You were expecting some epic blowup? Nah... Those are too hard to erase. In fact, you never can. I have learned that, to a degree, the hard way.  People will NEVER forget if you ever pull the safety pin out and cut loose. Modern society doesn't allow it any more anyway.

Learned 2 things out of this. Loud music helps the minor withdrawal symptoms of even a single dose of the pills. In particular - 'Sail' by Awolnation and 'Nod ya Head' by Will Smith. On repeat. Max volume.

Other thing?

I'm rethinking this whole antidepressant thing. My doctor has been, in my opinion, exemplary, in how he's handled my case. He did tell me that when he sees me here in about 3 months, conventional wisdom says it's time to see about cutting me down in dosage, to think about taking me off of the pills all together. He also said some folks decide to keep on going if life is going well, and said it would largely be dictated by my needs first, desires second.

I wasn't real excited about that prospect at first, to be honest. But today has made me rethink the possibility. Of course, we'll see where I am when the time comes, but...

I'm in a position where I can tell myself the nuisance that got into me again today, in all honesty, can be completely avoided. Really, my own desire to help anyone, all of the time, for any reason came back to bite me. In theory, I just have to stem that desire in one itty bitty little case; no other effect to myself whatsoever.

I'm starting to realize that about a lot of the things in my life. I'm married, I have a hobby that has once again given me a personal goal to accomplish outside of my relationship with my wife and family or my professional goals. I know I have some great friends and family that care about me and that I'm welcome to care about in return.

The other stuff? The things that don't fall into the categories above? Hrmm... Take a pill to deal with a nuisance, or just forget the nuisances all together???

I've made many wrong assumptions, and formed numerous wrong opinions before more thought turned me the other direction.

It should, in my opinion, be a very interesting visit with Bones here in a few months.

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